Emotional resilience How to boost it with 10 research-backed secrets

Emotional resilience How to boost it with 10 research-backed secretsEmotional resilience How to boost it with 10 research-backed secretsEver dealt with a really difficult situation? Weve all had uremotional resilience tested. Sometimes it feels like you just want to give up.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraHow do the toughest people summon the will to keep going?Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney have studied resilient people for over 20 years. They spoke withVietnam prisoners of war, Special Forces instructors and civilians who dealt with terrible experiences like medical problems,abuse and trauma.In their bookResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest Challengesthey assembled the 10 things resilient people have in common so you and Ican learn how to be mora gritty and tough when life gets hard.Heres what they learned1) Be OptimisticYes, looking on the bright side keeps you going. But whats more interesting is that theyre not talking about delusional, pollyanna-style, rose-colored glasses here.Truly resilient people who need to survive the harshest situations and still accomplish goals (like POWs and Special Forces units) balance a positive outlook with a realistic view of the world.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesLike pessimists, realistic optimists pay close attention to negative information that is relevant to the problems they face. However, unlike pessimists, they do not remain focused on the negative. They tend to disengage rapidly from problems that appear to be unsolvable. That is, they know when to cut their losses and turn their attention to problems that they believe they can solve.And theyre not the only ones to realize this. WhenLaurence Gonzalesstudied survivors of life-threatening scenarios he found the same thing they balance positivity with realism.But that leads to an obvious questionhow the heck do you do that?Gonzales realized the distinction is in being realistic about the world but confident in your abilitiessee the world accurately - but believe you are a rockstar.(To learn how to be more optimistic, clickhere.)So youre thinking positive. But what about when your optimism gets tested and things get scary?2) Face Your FearsNeuroscience says theres only one real way to deal with fear you need to face it, head on. This is what the most resilient people do.When we avoid scary things we become more scared. When you face your fears they become less frightening.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesTo extinguish a fear-conditioned memory, one must be exposed to the fear-inducing stimulus in a safe environment, and this exposure needs to last long enough for the brain to form a new memory which conveys that the fear-conditioned stimulus is no longer dangerous in the present environment. Brain imaging findings suggest that extinction may involve a str engthening of the capacity of the PFC to inhibitamygdala-based fear responses (Phelps et al., 2004). Several approaches to treating anxiety disorders such as PTSD and phobias have been shown to be effective in promoting extinction. In essence, ansicht therapies encourage the patient to confront the fear and anxiety head-on.What do Special Forces soldiers think when facing the most terrifying situations?Im scared, but I can learn from this, or This is a test thats going to make me stronger.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesIn addition to viewing fear as a helpful warning and guide, medic and SF instructor fruchtmark Hickey believes that fear is good because it keeps him on his toes and serves as a platform for developing courage, self-esteem, and a sense of mastery. When Hickey experiences fear, he often thinks, Im scared, but I can learn from this, or This is a test thats going to make me stronger.(To learn how you can have more grit - from a Navy SEA L platoon commander, clickhere.)Think positive. Face your fears. Good advice but what do we need to develop deep down to overcome lifes biggest obstacles?3) Have A Moral CompassThe emotionally resilient people that Southwick and Charney studied all had a strong sense of right and wrong. Despite being in situations that could threaten their lives, they always thought about others, not just themselves.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesIn our interviews, we found that many resilient individuals possessed a keen sense of right and wrong that strengthened them during periods of extreme stress and afterward, as they adjusted to life following trauma. Also altruism selflessness, concern for the welfare of others, and giving to others with no expectation of benefit to the self often stood as a pillar of their value system, of their moral compass.They mention a program called The Giraffe Project that helps kids develop good values. What does the system teach? Stick your neck out and do the right thing.(To learn a Stanford professors tips on how to make sure your kids have grit, clickhere.)So morals strengthen our resolve in tough times. But where do they often come from?4) Practice SpiritualityThis was the 1 thing that one researcher found when studying people who overcame tragedy.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesDr. Amad found religious belief among survivors to be the single most powerful force in explaining the tragedy and in explaining survival.But what if youre not religious? No problem.Much of the strength from religious activity comes from being a part of a community. So you dont have to do anything you dont believe in, but you want to be a part of a group that strengthens your resolve.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesFor example, the relationship between resilience and religion may partly be explained by the social quality of religious attendance. The word religion c omes from the Latin religare meaning to bind. People who regularly attend religious services may have access to a deeper and broader form of social support than is often available in a secular setting.(To learn what the survivors of deadly situations all have in common, clickhere.)So being part of a group with beliefs is important.But what if youre not?5) Get Social SupportEven if youre not part of a religion or community, friends and loved ones are key when life gets hard.When Admiral Robert Shumaker was a POW in Vietnam, he was isolated from the other captives. How did he maintain his resolve?By tapping on the wall of his cell. His fellow prisoners could hear it, and they would tap back. Its ridiculously simple but their tap code let them know they were not alone in their suffering.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesDuring his eight years in North Vietnamese prisons, Shumaker used his wits and creativity to help develop an ingenious method of communic ation, known as the Tap Code, which provided a critical lifeline that allowed scores of prisoners to connect with one another.Our brains need social support to function optimally. Connection with others releases oxytocin which calms your mind and reduces stress.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesOxytocins actions in reducing amygdala activation and arousal may help to explain why positive support from others can reduce stress (Heinrichs et al., 2009 Lee et al., 2009).And the solution isnt just receiving help from others - itsgiving help.AsDale Carnegiesaid, You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.(To learn how Special Forces soldiers overcome adversity, clickhere.)But we cant always be surrounded by others. How can people we love and respect help us thrive even when were alone?6) Have Resilient Role ModelsWhen you study kids who grow up in i mpoverished circumstances but go on to live productive, healthy lives, what do you find?They had great role models who provided a positive example and supported them.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesOne of the first psychologists to study resilience, Emmy Werner, followed the lives of children who were raised in impoverished homes with an alcoholic, abusive, or mentally ill parent. Werner observed that resilient children the ones who grew up to be productive, emotionally healthy adults had at least one person in their lives who truly supported them and served as an admired role model (Werner, 1993 Werner Smith, 1992). Our research has found a similar pattern all of the resilient individuals we interviewed have role models whose beliefs, attitudes and behaviors inspire them.But sometimes its hard to find people we know we want to be like. Thats okay. Southwick and Charney found that its often enough to havebadrole models - people who provide an exa mple of whatyoudontwant to be.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesAlthough we generally think of role models as providing positive examples to admire and emulate, in some cases a particular person may stand out in the opposite way embodying traits we emphatically do not want to have. We can think of such a person as a negative role model.(To learn a Yale professors lazy secret to an awesome life, clickhere.)Psychologys great but resilience isnt all in the mind. Where else can we find strength? Inactualstrength7) Maintain PhysicalFitnessAgain and again, Southwick and Charney saw that the most resilient people had good exercise habits that kept their bodies (as well as their minds) strong.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesMany of the resilient individuals we interviewed have a regular habit of exercise and believe that staying fit has helped them, both during their traumatic ordeals and during their recovery. In fact, some o f them credit physical exercise with saving their lives.And, interestingly, this seems to be more important if youre someone whos a bit more emotionally fragile. Why?The stress of exercise helps us adapt to the stress we will feel when life challenges us.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesResearchers believe that during vigorous aerobic exercise, the anxiety-sensitive person is forced to tolerate many of the same symptoms (that is, rapid heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing) that frighten him or her during periods of anxiety. Over time, the anxiety-sensitive individual who continues to exercise vigorously can learn that these symptoms of arousal are typically not dangerous, and the fear that these symptoms trigger gradually decreases in intensity (Salmon, 2001).(To learn what makes Olympic athletes and Navy SEALs so mentally tough, clickhere.)But getting your body in shape isnt everything8) Keep Your Brain StrongNo,that little brain game on your ph one isnt what were talking about. Resilient people are very often lifelong learners. They keep growing their mind, learning to learn, and adapting to new information about the world.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesIn our experience, resilient people tend to be lifelong learners, continually seeking opportunities to become more mentally fit.This not only keeps you sharp but has a whole host of positive health benefits.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesIndeed, a 2004 study by Cathie Hammond at the University of London concluded that lifelong learning was associated with a range of health outcomes well-being, protection and recovery from mental health difficulties, and the capacity to cope with potentially stress-inducing circumstances self-esteem, self-efficacy, a sense of purpose and hope, competences, and social integration. Learning developed these psychosocialqualities through extending boundaries, a process which is quintessential to learning. (Hammond, 2004)(To learn the four rituals neuroscience says will make you happy, clickhere.)Smart and fit is good but, by definition, hard times mean things were not used to. How do you prepare for what youre not prepared for?9) Be Cognitively FlexibleAll of us have one way we typically cope with difficulty, but what sets extremely resilient people exotisch is they use anumberof ways to deal with stressful situations.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesPeople who are resilient tend to be flexible flexible in the way they think about challenges and flexible in the way they react emotionally to stress. They are not wedded to a specific style of coping. Instead, they shift from one coping strategy to another depending on the circumstances.Whats a good coping stylethat definitely works? Ive spoken to a number ofelite military operatorsand Ive heard the same thing over and over Be tough? Nope. Ignore it? Nope.They all mentionedhu mor.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesSubstantialevidence exists for the effectiveness of humor as a coping mechanism. Studies involving combat veterans (Hendin Haas, 1984), cancer patients (Carver, 1993), and surgical patients (Culver et al., 2002) have found that when humor is used to reduce the threatening nature of stressful situations, it is associated with resilience and the capacity to tolerate stress (Martin, 2003).(To learn how to be funny, clickhere.)Okay, last one. Whats critical when you are dealing with the toughest situationslife has to offer?10)Find Meaning In What You DoResilient people dont have jobs - they have callings. They have a mission and purpose in life that gives meaning to the things they do.So when timesare hard, they feel agreater purpose is behind them, pushing them forward.FromResilience The Science of Mastering Lifes Greatest ChallengesIn keeping with Frankls conception of service as a pillar of meaning, the ability to see ones work as a calling may enhance resilience. This holds true even for people performing dirty work jobs (e.g. hospital cleaners) and for people who have been prevented from pursuing their chosen career.(To learn how to find meaning in your life, clickhere.)Alright, lets round up what weve learned - and find out about the upsides of the downsides of lifeSum UpHeres how to increase your emotional resilienceFoster optimism Dont be in denial. See the world clearly but believe in your abilities.Face your fears Hiding from fear makes it worse. Face it and you overcome it.Have amoral compass A strong feeling of right and wrong tells us we must when we feel we cant.Practice spirituality Be a part of a group that has strong beliefs.Give and receivesocial support Tapping on the wall of your cell can keep you going.Imitate resilient role models Or have people you know you donotwant to be.Physicalfitness Exercise adapts your body to stress.Be a lifelong learner Keep your brain sharp and it will give you solutions when you need them most.Have a number of ways to cope Be like Navy SEALs and Special Forces operators - and laugh.Have meaning in your life Dont just do a job have a calling and a purpose.(Ill be sending out a PDF summary from the research in mynext weekly email. To make sure you dont miss it, joinhere.)And how can the downsides of life lead to a greater upside?We hear a lot about PTSD post-traumatic stress disorder. But we hear a lot less about the reversepost-traumatic growth.And it is real. Many people who experience hardships in life and get through them dont come out weaker, they come outbetter.FromFlourish A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-beingIn a month, 1,700 people reported at least one of these awful events, and they took our well-being tests as well. To our surprise, individuals whod experienced one awful event had more intense strengths (and therefore higher well-being) than individuals who had none. Individuals whod been t hrough two awful events were stronger than individuals who had one, and individuals who had three- raped, tortured, and held captive for example- were stronger than those who had two.So it sounds likeNietzschewas right what does not kill you reallycanmake you stronger.As one of the resilient peopleSouthwick and Charneyspoke to saidI am more vulnerable than I thought, but much stronger than I ever imagined.Join over 255,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This article first appeared on Barking up the Wrong Tree.